I go to the gym a little later in the morning. This way I avoid the over zealous muscle heads and the water aerobics class' shower time. Not to mention, by the time I am done my workout the handicap shower is usually available. Score!
Yesterday, after a very satisfying workout, I went into the locker room...waited for Tammy Talksalot to end her boisterous bluetooth convo that just HAD to take place right in front of my locker. Then, I quickly got undressed and raced into the showers...alas my coveted handicap shower was free!
The water temp was perfect. All the other showers were empty. I remembered my razor and all of my toiletries. Quite possibly the best shower scenario, ever. As I was enjoying the quintessential shower, I began to get that feeling...that feeling when you can sense someone's eyes peering at you. I turn around slowly to find the sweetest old lady sneaking a peak through my serves-no-purpose-because-it-is-clear-plastic-to-my-hip-and-then-opaque shower curtain.
As soon as she caught me catching her, she backed down and got into her own stall. I watched the poor lady gingerly step over the two inch lip of the shower...fretting the whole while that she was going to slip and break a hip. I immediately began to mount my defense. What would I say if she confronted me about my use of the handicap shower...maybe I should walk out with a limp, or if she says anything I'll just fire back with "Who are you to tell me I don't need a handicap shower lady, I could be blind for all you know?"
The more my guilt intensified the more outlandish my retorts became...I considered telling her I had premature and advanced osteoporosis.
But I never needed to employ my defense.
We both turned our showers off at the same time. As I reached for my towel, I noticed she was still wearing her bathing cap and swim suit. I just assumed she was 'rinsing off'. And then it happened...I heard a trickle...a tinkle if you will. I thought to myself...nah she's not doing what I think she's doing. And then to my surprise (and disgust) I heard FULL stream. This little old lady...the one I was so afraid was judging me...turned off her shower and before toweling off...full on peed.
I grabbed my belongings and made a getaway before we had to look each other in the eye. I was further shocked when she came out of the showers and as I was blow drying my hair...she passed behind me...she stopped and locked eyes with me in the mirror...and delivered her disapproving glance. She gave ME a look? She peed in the shower!
Now don't get me wrong. I'm no stranger to peeing in the shower (and if you say you don't, well you're just lying), but AFTER I was done showering? and in my bathing suit? I would never. That's just wrong.
Always wear shower shoes, my friends, always.
Again, yikes! Old ladies at the gym can be cut throat bitches, let me tell you. At the Y, the mommy-and-me swim classes are just after the old lady water aerobics, so there is often a confrontation in the shower area. They'll beat you with their canes, is all I'm saying.
ReplyDeleteI use those stalls too. I call them Taj MaStalls
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