I used to work in a factory...

Today, I got in my car to go pick up my nephew at the airport. When I got in, I saw a silver paperclip on the seat. So, I did what I normally do with every paperclip I find - I put it in my mouth.

I've been putting paperclips in my mouth for as long as I can remember. I would unfold the paperclip and then bend it into a horse shoe shape. Then, insert in my mouth on my upper teeth - pretending I wore braces. I would also take a pair of sunglasses and pop out the lenses - like I had real glasses. I don't know why I wanted glasses and braces so badly - because eventually I did get both - at the same time - and look how well that worked for me.


**It's hard to see, but trust me - I have braces, glasses (so big my cheeks had 20/20 vision), and a perm (just on top) -- Sexy!)

Anyway, I get in my car and I put the paperclip in my mouth. As soon as I do - a little voice in my head says "Don't put that paperclip in your mouth. I used to work at a paperclip factory - and while all the boxes of paperclips would lay open in the factory before they would get shipped out - you could see cockroaches and mice running all over them." Direct quote from my dear, sweet, nolongerwithus grandmother.

It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling to know that even 6 years after she passed away - Mommom is still with me - protecting me from bug and rodent feces in my mouth. And as I drove, another memory of Mommom entered my mind.

One afternoon, many many moons ago, I sat on the porch with Mommom and her friend Rusty (who's hair and lipstick matched her name). Before Rusty left - she caught a smoke in the driveway of Mommom's house. After our goodbyes, Mommom went inside and Rusty chucked her butt in the driveway. I was curious - so I went out into the driveway - made sure the coast was clear - grabbed the (still lit) butt and put it to my lips. Shiiiit burned. And right as my lips were stinging from the hot remnants of Rusty's Virginia Slim - Mommom walked out and barked at me "put that down". I obliged and walked back in with my head hung low. Mommom then imparted this advice on me "I once worked in a cigarette factory - at the end of the day we would sweep the floors and use the piles of fallen tobacco and dirt - to make up the last batch of cigarettes."

While reminiscing about life's little factory lessons - I recalled another moment. I took a can of Pepsi out of Mommom's closet - cracked it open - and started to pour it in my face (well not actually in my face - I poured it in my mouth - but I like to say face better - i.e. I want to make out with your face). Mommom catches me doing so and whips around to grab the can out of my hands. She proceeds to tell me "Never drink out of the can and if you do, make sure you rinse the top of the can first. I used to work in a Pepsi factory and the tops of those cans are disgusting - trust me."

These were all tidbits of sage advice - and I really appreciate Mommom looking out for what goes in my mouth - but I'm confused was she the ultimate factory girl - or was she just yanking my chain.

I guess we will never know. (I mean that's not true at all - I'll just ask my dad if his mom worked in every factory east of the Mississippi.)

Which reminds me of this one summer when I used to work in a factory....